Support Group

Support Group
-Original Text May 14, 2008-


I’m sure she thought she was just a face in that crowd.


No one special, with a fading future
And an even darker past.
But then again, who there isn’t?
Just a nameless nobody
Who happened to sit down next to me
At my Tuesday night meeting.

After watching her for awhile, it was easy to see
The sadness and damage in her emerald green eyes.
Sleepless nights and days of crying
Were expertly concealed by the layers of make-up on her face.
The podium microphone cracked,
Tearing my attention away from her face.


All I ask is that you
Come up and tell us your name.
Feel free to share as much or as little
As you’d like.


Said a man in plaid pants,
Who looked unsure of his own involvement within the group.

One by one everyone took their turn.
Walking to the front, giving their names,
Telling of their children and jobs and college degrees and
Anything they could to separate themselves from why they were here.

I watched as her turn approached
And was caught in the moment where she realized it too.
Watching her eyes widen
As I imagined a stream of thoughts
That she was unable to control, were
Flying violently through her brain.

Inhale.


Hi I’m Zoé
I’m twenty something years old
I don’t know what I’m doing with my life that I currently hate and can’t even begin to deal with today
I say the wrong things all the time and I hate how awkward I am in social situations like when I simply become a pushover because I despise confrontation and have no idea how to say no
I'm afraid of being happy because as soon as I am something terrible always happens
I hate my roommate for all of her complaining and lack of motivation and the way she never helps out around the house
I can barely tie my own shoes or tell time on an analog clock though I’m sure someone taught me years ago
I don’t wear a seatbelt anymore because I mostly hope I’ll die in some tragic accident that makes everyone who’s ever ignored me ashamed that they did
I’m in love with a boy who has forgotten that I exist which is terrible when all you do is dwell on the could have beens
and I’m mostly here because no one listens to me anymore and it’s driven me to alcohol, narcotics and crying.

I really just want someone to tell me everything will be alright.


Exhale.

We all watched intently as
She walked to the podium,
Silently trying to slip through the tile
And into the floor
As our eyes followed her down the aisle.


Hi. I’m Zoé.


Was what I heard myself say,
Staring out into the sea of forgotten faces
With a fake smile on my face and tears in my eyes.
All I wanted was to say more.